"Christian Submissive Woman"

HI ,

my letter is long but PLEASE read it coz i really need a christian advice. I'm really glad that I have found your site, I've read all the subjects of questions to find if there's anything that could help me and I have found but my case is not real common. so I'm a catholic, 20 years old girl, beleiver in jesus christ as my lord and saviour.

since I was a kid , I always had dreams (fantasme) like i was a slave or a servant, i didn't know why i was thinking like this and the time passed and i had forgetten these. but last year I was on the net chatting and i found this room called female humiliation and i entered, i don't know why, I had this talk with a man and after that i realized that I liked it, being humiliated(sexually)! i was so choked and ashamed of myself, the man i talked to asked me to do things (humiliating), i didn't for real,but i told him that i will. so I felt so ugly and dirty as if i had did it for real.

so i went to church and took the Holy communion telling Jesus I would confess later. when I went to confessing i couldn't tell the priest what i did exactly so i told him it as on the net and i had pleasure keeping a window open although i knew i should close it... after that i wanted to understand myself, it was a real huge discovery that i was a submissive person, and i didn't choose to be like so, I have these dreams since i was 11 and was real innocent. so i kept entering such rooms on the net and searching for them, I've talked to one christian submissive woman on chat and she told me that it's not wrong as long as she's doing it with her husband.

anyway i decided not to enter the net anymore , but i couldn't ,and i can't take these fantasme out of my mind, kind of mind masturbation. and I can't figure myself talking like that to any priest I know even though I've tried to deal with this fantasme thing without talking about the submissive one but seems like nobody understand me. i've confessed lot of time sexual thoughts but every time i do it again. do you think i have to tell this hole story to a priest to have real absolution, and does this fantasme a sin , knowing it's unvolontary ,and I don't have any wish to accomplish any of them for true.

thank you so much for reading this letter your reply will make me more then glad.


Dear M,

To make a good confession it is not necessary to get into all the specifics. It is enough to simply say, "I had impure thoughts (which I deliberately indulged in)" You could add "many times," or "a couple times a day...(or week or whatever)." A priest may ask a question in case you want to explain more, but you would not be required to in order to have made a good confession.

About the sin itself: To the degree it is involuntary, it is not a sin at all. A sin is a knowing and deliberate violation of God's law. The "Christian submissive woman" is correct that it would not be sinful in marriage as a type of foreplay. The completion of the sex act must be integral - that is, the husband ejaculates within his wife's vagina.

C.S. Lewis has some comments on domination - submission which might be of help to you. I cannot remember now which book(s) but the basic idea is that it is part of the structure of human sexuality and that it has a spiritual purpose in as much as the sexual relation between husband and wife signifies the eternal union of Christ with his bride the Church. For all of us, men as well as women, that total submission to Jesus will be the fulfillment of our all of our deepest longings. In marriage (and priesthood) men represent Christ's masculinity - of which ours is only a weak shadow. A husband does that even in marriages where the wife is the "stronger" one. (She has more to submit.) Have you read Lewis' space trilogy? Especially in That Hideous Strength he gives some profound reflections on this aspect of our sexuality.

If you have more specific questions - or desire a clarification on any of this - please feel free to write again. This is all pretty mysterious - but you should know that the feelings in themselves are not ugly and dirty - nor uncommon - but rather have a purpose. There is of course a danger that you could get involved with someone who would cause you severe harm - and that I want to help you avoid.

God bless,

Fr. Phil Bloom


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