"I am a lesbian. Not by choice"

To the person who answered the question on whether homosexuals are born gay or it's some kind of condition:

You obviously do not know much about homosexuals to say that they may not have the choice about what they feel, but they do have the choice in their actions. If someone feels something and they do not do it just because some people are ignorant enough to think what a person feels is wrong, then they are as dumb as the person judging. There is absolutely no good reason for someone to ignore what they feel. If being with the same sex is what makes a person feel comfortable and happy, why should they be with the opposite sex if that doesn't make them feel happy? Why should a person be with the opposite sex if they are not attracted to and have no desire for the opposite sex? I am understanding from this site that it is religious based, and that would explain why you have answered those peoples questions the way you have.

The church is an awful cruel and judgmental place to say that you should not do what you feel because what you feel is wrong, and you should force yourself to do something you do not want to do and something you are not happy with just because the church says so.

I am a lesbian. Not by choice, and I did force myself to be with men for a while just so I could try an "fit in" or be so called "normal." But I am normal, everyone is normal. I am not attracted to men and I have no sexual desire for men. This was not because I had already been with women either, like you said. I knew inside me that I was not attracted to men even before I slept with either sex. You say a person has to be conditioned to be this way, you are so wrong. I didn't want to be this way, I tried and tried to enjoy being with men in a relationship sort of way, and it never ever felt right to me, being with men felt wrong. No, I was never abused by men or anything like that either. I had a wonderful childhood, was an honors student through high school, and I am in college with a 4.0 GPA. So, as for your trauma or abuse theories, toss them out.

You religious people are the first to say the Bible says don't judge, yet that's all you do. You tell a person what they feel and what makes them happy is wrong and they should do what the Bible and the church says. Well, I refuse to go through my life unhappy and miserable with a man just because the church or Bible says so. You can believe all you want and have all the faith you want, I still love you and I do not say you are wrong for your beliefs or what you are, but I do say that you are wrong for what you said in that question you answered.

Homosexuality is not a condition, and should not be compared to alcoholism. Alcoholism is a serious thing that needs treatment and can kill a person. Comparing the two is like comparing apples and oranges. For one moment, clear your head, now think, a person can only be who they are, they cannot be something or someone that they are not. People can only do what they feel and what makes them happy, who are you to say what they feel and what makes them happy is wrong???????? Religion wants you to be a certain way, otherwise you are sinning, that right there is insanity. Forcing a person to be someone they are not, and if they remain themselves they have to confess and ask forgiveness? Ask for forgiveness for being happy? That's completely insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are not talking about a person killing someone, or doing drugs, or robbing stores, or selling drugs, or raping. Those are all bad things that people do. Homosexuality is not something people do, it is something that people are.

You also stated that there is no evidence that people are born this way? Well, you are wrong. There have been studies that prove that hormone levels are significantly different in homosexuals than heterosexuals, brain chemistry is different also. You need to do some research before you answer questions like you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!



Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your email. A lot of things to sort out, but maybe a good place to start would be with a question for you. I don't recall attempting anything so adventurous as trying to explain the origins of same sex attraction. Could you tell me the article or letter you were referring to?

I did raise this question: If the sexual abuse of a child could dramatically affect later sexual thinking and behavior (to the degree that an abused child is more likely to himself become a pedophile or ephebophile) how can we be sure sexual orientation is simply a matter of heredity & hormones? Here is the actual quote.

"What is the actual long range effect of sexual abuse of a child or minor? Experts have claimed that the effect is devastatingly profound. They point to the fact that most adult abusers were themselves abused as children. In other words, abuse can radically effect a person's sexual inclinations or orientation. However if someone who presumably would have been sexually attracted to adults can become oriented to children on account of abuse, what happens to the theory that sexual orientation cannot be significantly effected by environment? The conventional wisdom is that homosexuality is genetically determined, that you cannot make someone into a homosexual. The notion that homosexuals pose a danger to young people because they might "recruit" is rejected as impossible. But if a child's orientation can be changed so radically by abuse…? I think you see where I am going. I know people will claim they can have their cake and eat it too, but before making that claim, please read the book." (See article on Pedophilia.)

Lisa, I hope I have not come across as judging you. My goal is to try to understand - and of course as a priest to invite you to a relationship with Jesus. He did not come to condemn, but to save.

God bless,

Fr. Phil Bloom

P.S. I think you do recognize that not everything which makes a person "happy" is good for them in the long run. After all there are, as you note, people who think they will be happy by "killing someone, or doing drugs, or robbing stores, or selling drugs, or raping."


Dear Father Phil,

Thank you for your response. I totally understand what you are saying, and I agree to an extent. But, I was not saying that all people who practice same sex relationships are born that way. I do believe that abuse of any kind can cause a person to turn to the same sex, for a period of time or their whole life. Any kind of abuse or heartbreak or emotional trauma can cause people to do things that may not really be them. People these days are also into same sex relations for fun and things of that nature (which I really think is awful, but it is happening). I am only saying that there are those of us true homosexuals who are this way because we really are this way. People generalize too much.

Here is the page with the question I read. As I said before though, I was unsure of who answered the question and the links in the page eventually brought me to the e-mail address that was obviously yours, since you responded. It is the last question asked and answered, question #6. Let me know if that is really not you who answered it. Like I said, there are no names on it, and the links brought me to your address. When you go to this page, scroll all the way down to the link that says "frequently asked questions" it is in that link, the very last question.


Dear Lisa,

Thanks for the courteous response. I am not author of the answers to the "frequently asked questions on birth control, intimate touching, homosexuality" altho the link did imply some kind of endorsement. But like I say, I do not consider myself qualified to write about the origins of same sex attraction. My personal experience in that area is limited to once having a infatuation with a "pretty boy."

Interesting your comment that people can turn to a person of the same sex because of trauma, abuse or even for "fun and things of that nature." I've noticed that more girls around junior high age or older seem to be experimenting with that. I wonder whether it cultural influences or just normal experimentation. What do you think?

Fr. Phil Bloom

Married Man with Homosexual Tendencies

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