Better to Wait Until Marriage?

Greetings. Might I first comment that I love the web site (though I just stumbled upon it). A priest who puts his homilies on his web site...excellent idea. :-)...

(My girl-friend and I) occassionally engage in questionable activities, but always knowing where we draw the line (no intercourse). Anyway, last night we came very close to crossing that line; luckily she stopped us at the last moment... Is it better for us to try to wait until marriage and quite possibly/likely end up having sex anyway (we managed to prevent it this time, but may not be so lucky next time), or would it be better to make the conscious decision to make love at a point when we feel the relationship is ready for it? I know that premarital sex is not condoned by the church, and more importantly by Christ, but if we believe it is going to happen regardless, which way do you think would be least offensive to God?

God bless,



Dear D,

Great to hear from you. Congratulations on your girl friend - seems like she must be a wonderful person. However, the two of you need to re-draw the line. I know this is hard, but until you get married, you must avoid behavior different from a brother to sister. That is, no petting in intimate areas, no wet ("French") kisses. You will have a lot more peace and in the future have a much happier marriage if you follow this.

In the Bible the relationship of greatest affection is brother-sister. The groom in the Song of Songs calls his beloved, "my sister." Of course he thought about the day when he would see her full beauty, but knew that belonged to marriage. Fortunately you and your girl-friend have not fallen into full intercourse. You can recover what your true relationship should be. My suggestion is that you make an honest confession, ask Jesus for the daily grace to live the fullness of his teachings. Jesus obviously loves you both very much. For that reason he wants the best for you. I guarantee you your girl friend will be happy and relieved if you honestly present this to her.

Let me know how it goes. My prayers and blessings for your future.

Fr. Phil Bloom

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