"I know that I love this guy"

Fr. Bloom,

I am a freshman at... I went to a Catholic grade school from 3rd-8th grade in Arizona, then attended an all girls Catholic High School. I have been surrounded by the Church and it's teaching for 11 years now, and it is where I have my issue. I have been in a serious relationship for two years. I know that I love this guy,and he means the world to me. We are both virgins and recently we have been talking about sex. I know the Church's teachings on sex, and I have stood on the same grounds since I can remember: no sex until marriage. The thing is I have matured a lot since I established that standing. Is it normal to be scared of sharing something like this with someone you absolutely adore and feel like you would go to Hell if you do? I feel like if I were to share myself with this one person I would be going straight to Hell.

I am sorry if this is confusing. I hope you can send me some feedback concerning my issue.

Thank you for your time. Have a good day.

Many Regards,



Dear Erin,

God bless you. I am happy you have followed Jesus' teaching for these many years. His words are not easy, but if you continue, you and your boyfriend will have a beautiful love.

Be wary of words that can have double meanings. We can easily be deceived (and deceive ourselves) in this area where desires and passions are so strong. If by "sharing" yourself with him, you mean being a good friend or like a sister, great! But, if by sharing you mean things like French kisses (are they now "freedom kisses"?) intimate caresses and even sexual intercourse, I would ask if you are telling him (and he is telling you) what you really want to say to each other. The sexual act is also sometimes called the marital act because it expresses a total self-giving which is only honest in marriage and with an openness to children. I tried to explain this a little bit more at: /pre-marital.html.

My prayers for you, E - and your boyfriend. I think he is pretty lucky guy to find a girl like you!

Fr. Bloom

P.S. "Mature" is also a trick word. I have some food in my refrigerator which has "matured." But if we stay close to Jesus, we will always be correctly preserved. Jesus says that if we are united with him, we will produce abundantly, but separted from him we will shrivel up and be thrown in the fire to be burned. (Jn 15:6)


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